Not all marriages start with God as the foundation. My marriage being one of them. Going into the marriage we believed that God was the foundation, only to be hit with the truth a few weeks after. When I first met my husband we were your typical American Christians. We thought we were saved since we confessed with our mouth that Jesus is Lord and believed in our hearts that God raised him from the dead. (Romans 10:9) We thought all we had to do is say the sinners prayer, be forgiven, and enter the kingdom believed of heaven. We got married simply because we loved each other and it was "the right thing to do" here is our testimony.
It all begin August 2009 I started a new job after being unemployed for 2 months. I was super excited and had no idea about the journey ahead. After 8 weeks of training I was finally "out in the field" with about 150 new co-workers that I've never met. All the guys were friendly, helpful, and excited about the new girl. Then, one day I had to work under a different supervisor-Shedrick. It was my first time meeting him and he was very straight forward and in my opinion rude. He wasn't like the other guys who laughed and joked with me on top of that he didn't show me any attention. That following week (Friday) a few co-workers were going out for drinks. I seen Shedrick in the parking lot I approached him and asked "Drinks on you" Mistake 1- The bible says in Proverbs 18:22 "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord ." I had no business approaching him. Shedrick hit me with a stale face and said "I have to go get my daughter" I was shut down!!!
About two weeks later we worked together again and this time his guard was down and we had our first conversation. God never came up. Mistake 2- Mark 16:15 states "And then he (Jesus) told them, “Go into all the world and preach the Good News to everyone." Instead of doing that we learned each others' age, talked about where we grew up, and his face lit up whenever he mentioned his daughter. We made plans to meet at Chili's later that night (2 for $20 baby lol). On our first date we both knew that we would be no more then friends. We would just chill, we had another person to pass time with. At the end of our date he walked me to the car, opened the door for me, then asked me if I wanted to come to his house? I respectfully declined thinking to myself what type of girl does he think I am? I brushed it off and went home.
So time passed and we talked more and more. Then he invited me to church! I remember thinking Wow! What a great guy. Of course I will go to church with him. Outside of that we never read the bible together and I was ok with that because my heart was so far from God. After 2 short months of our first interaction we had sex. Mistake 3- 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 "Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body" We continued to have sex and before I knew it we were living together in January 2010. I went from living at home to shacking up. We talked about marriage and starting a family. I promised myself that if we haven't taken the next step by the end of the year I was out. I knew what we were doing was wrong but I continued doing it. We had problems that seemed normal, rumors were spread at work but we fought through. We were as close to happy as we were going to get and we were ok with that. August 12, 2010 Shedrick proposed! I said "yes"Mistake 4- (God never told me he was my husband) I figured the proposal was coming because he was man enough to ask my dad for my hand. Two days later we were in the Bahamas! On top of the world celebrating my birthday and our recent engagement. We had an amazing trip and then everything changed.
One Tuesday Shedrick came home from a discipleship class at church. He sat me down and said "We can't have sex anymore until we are married and I can no longer drink. I know it's going to be hard but I'm so on fire for God babe, I just want to be in His presence" I completely understood about the no sex thing and the no drinking rule wasn't a problem for me because we didn't drink much anyway. Shedrick was growing spiritually. He started to change, his light was shining. He TRIED to push me closer to Christ but I was good where I was at. Mistake 5- we were now unequally yoked. 2 Corinthians 6:14 "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers..." A part of me was happy for Shedrick and wanted to be on his level but my flesh just felt like it was unnecessary. He was getting to "churchy" everything was Jesus this or that. He was simply doing the most in my opinion. Then, I begin to have a tug-o-war with my spirit and my flesh. Our wedding day was quickly approaching and the pressure was on! I wanted to be free I had the desire to club and drink again. I wanted to stay out all hours of the night and day so I did! My excuse was that we weren't married yet! I might as well get it all out of my system these last few days. We both prayed about my behavior and believed that I was getting cold feet and should continue with the wedding! The night before the big day I asked God to forgive me of my sinful behavior. I didn't want to enter a marriage with so much on my heart. I just wanted us to enjoy our day! I cried and I felt so free. A different type of free. A free that drugs, alcohol, or the club could not offer.
May 29, 2011 We did it! We tied the knot, danced and even shouted! That night I was so convicted! Although it had been six months since we made the decision to walk in purity, I only did it because Shedrick asked me to, not because God instructs us to do so. We were both new on our christian walk and didn't fully understand everything that came with it. All the things that my husband and I should have fixed or learned in our single season was now carried over into our season of marriage. Needless to say our first 6 months of marriage were crazy to say the least. Problems occurred that we weren't ready for and we weren't doing things in order. I was popping off at the mouth, making my own decisions, Shedrick wasn't always loving and unresolved issues were constantly thrown up.
One day while on Twitter I came across a re tweet from Heather Lindsey. I went to her page and then read her blog. I was shocked! She didn't have sex with her husband before marriage and she didn't even kiss him until their wedding day! I learned about how important it is to have alone time with God and about water downed sermons. I was truly convicted! A seed had been planted! At first I wanted to go back to 2009 and do things differently. After about two weeks it hit me. You can't go back so get over it! What can you do TODAY to change your marriage? So I prayed and prayed and prayed some more. Then God showed me that I couldn't follow every example of marriage I seen growing up! I had to look at scripture and apply it to be a godly wife. It has been a challenge learning to submit to God first then to my husband. I learned about this gentle and quiet spirit that I was supposed to have. Some days I would do great other days not so much. I continued to press into the word and I began to notice a change in my husband. We sat down one day and put it all out on the table. The good, the bad, and the ugly! We had to rip our marriage apart and rebuild. We turned our marriage over to God for real! We started reading the bible together, praying together, and even fasting together! I constantly prayed and asked God to change me as wife/person whatever problem my husband had with me rip it from me. Let me be the change Lord.
Since then we have both been transformed. Our marriage has been transformed and it's all because of God! If you are in an ungodly marriage: I encourage you to get on your face before God and pour your heart out. Confess and repent. Ask God to change YOU. Make a decision to truly change your life and live for Christ. Hang in there and be patient it's not going to be easy! Wives submit to God first! Husbands follow Christ with your whole heart so that you can lead your house like never before. Singles: This post is not intended to encourage you to enter an ungodly marriage in hopes that God will come in and restore. I pray that you learn from the mistakes we made. It has not been easy doing things out of order. Press into Christ and learn to love yourself. Since I've been truly saved, I'm all about purity before marriage. I commend all who has made the commitment to kill the flesh daily. No matter if you are a virgin or born again I pray that God continues to give you strength to not fall into satan's trap. Hold on to your most precious gift for your husband or wife. Love you and praying for you all!