Changed Hearts: Kristian's Story

My name is Kristian. I am twenty years old and I am a junior in college working on my BS in Health Information Tech. I was born prematurely at the weight of one pound and nine ounces. Throughout my life I always knew that God had saved me for a reason. That notion would soon make itself even more evident. From the ages of 5-10, I was molested by an older female cousin. This caused much confusion for me in regards to my sexual orientation. As I developed in my church and began to hear Christ calling me, I had such low self -esteem. How could the God of the universe want ME? While in middle and high school I was often picked on because of my dark complexion. This often caused me to seek after

someone to validate my beauty, (How I wish I knew then what I know now). I kept everything hidden. On the outside, I was a great Christian. I was at church, EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK. My parents never went, but I did. I brought my Bible to school to impress people, to hide my nasty heart and my shame. At the age of 15, I decided to give my life to Christ. I couldn't keep up with my lies, my charade, this facade that I  had begun to perceive as reality. I didn't want to be a "Lord, Lord....but I," and He say He doesn't know me. I wanted to know Him for myself. I wanted Him to be my Abba Father. I had to make a crucial decision to forgive those who had hurt me. Even now, 5 years later, the enemy takes me back to that place and encourages me to hate and harbor resentment. But, I know that on forgiving those that hurt me, I am able to heal. This walk is not easy, but, having people by my side who are accountable to me and who love me, and the God inside of me, makes it easier. God is good and greatly to be praised!