“Give me You. Everything else can wait. Give me You, I hope I’m not too late. Lord, give me You.”
So I am on fall break from school and I thought “YES! This will be a great time to reconnect with God. Have that wonderful Angel and Jesus quiet time.” I asked God to show me the errors in my heart and to shape my heart to look like His. I asked Him that He would show my heart to me and pluck away the areas of my heart that are not pleasing to Him. Ask and you shall receive….I came upon this song by Shana Wilson called Give me You and when I first heard it, I thought woah…just listening to the lyrics was like wow. I loved the song and I listened to it a few times earlier today singing along and reciting the lyrics. Then tonight I made a late night run to Wal-Mart and when I pulled back into the parking lot of my apartment I sat in my car and listened to this song one last time before calling it a night…or so I thought.
The first seven words completely wrecked me this time. “Give me You, everything else can wait.” I began to feel completely broken because it became so clear to me that my attitude was not of the first seven words in this song. “Everything else can wait” means the husband that I desire, the schoolwork that I’ve constantly put before God, the desire for a new job, new friendships, relationships, whatever it may be. None of that matters. Everything else can wait. God revealed to me that my focus was not on Him anymore as my main priority. Another song that is on this cd I made is clear the stage by Jimmy Needham where he states “Anything I put before my God is an idol…” I had created idols in my life that I had no idea about. God reminded me of a time in my life where I was going through this period of wanting to be married and it was on my mind way too much. He reminded me of the day when I was on my knees crying out to Him and the very words I said was “I don’t care if I ever get married God, I just want You.”
I was at a place of being so desperate to have a relationship with God that nothing else mattered. Everything else literally could have waited. I didn’t care about anything else, I just wanted God. I was far from being at the place that I wanted to be at that time in Christ but I was really determined to get there. God showed me that although I've grown in my walk with Christ, that my heart is so far from that place of desperation now. I’ve become so focused on trying to finish my master’s, faking contentment in not being married when everyone else around me is doing so, wanting to do something that I love, wanting to do all these things even though I have God in mind concerning these areas, He showed me that my attention and focus had gotten off of Him and to these “things” that mean absolutely nothing. It's amazing how we can center things around God but we don't make Him the center of it all...crazy right?
I found myself wondering when and how did I get to this place?!? What God showed me is, Angel don’t dwell on that part but figure out what you need to do to get back to ME! How great is our God that when we are in the wrong, He loves us and just wants us to get back to being focused on Him. He doesn’t throw it in my face or keep reminding me of it but instead He pretty much says okay, Angel do you see your error? Yes? Good get up and let’s go forward. I’m so grateful for the times of conviction where God reveals my heart to me. The good, the bad, and the ugly…He will do His part but we also must do our part. Above all else we must put God first. Matthew 6:33 says to “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need” (NLT). There is no need for us to be concerned with the things that we desire because God knows our heart; He knows what we want and need but our focus must be on Him always and everything else can wait.
God wants our hearts and all of it. I share my truth because I know that I am not perfect and by sharing it holds me accountable. I know that I will make mistakes but I also know that I serve a perfect God who will help me when I’m broken and who can shape me and mold me into His image. When we sin, don’t wallow in it; don’t just stay and throw pity parties for ourselves or even worst just continue to stay in our sin once it has been acknowledged. My favorite quote is “Nothing you confess can make Me love you less. Love, Jesus.” Pour out your heart to Him. Sincerely repent for your sin. Make God not just your number One but your only One. He wants all areas of us and He wants us to be fully committed to Him. He loves us and He wants the best for us. God I’m sorry and I love you Lord for being a faithful and just God who will forgive me when I repent to You. “Give me You, everything else must wait.”